..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
