So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
