The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just had sex on a roof
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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