Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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