I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
