I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
