her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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