I think I died a long time ago.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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