I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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