And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
