I wish you could order shots online.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
