it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
