i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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