Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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