Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
