1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
