Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
