community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
