that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
