Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
