Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
