I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
