I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
