Quick, to the slutcave!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
