I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
