Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
