careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
