Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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