if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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