Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
