my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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