I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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