he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
