Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
