Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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