Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
