So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
