when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
