I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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