Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
