I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
