Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
