We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
