How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
