he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
