Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
