Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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