Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
