it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
