Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
