I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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