Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
