if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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