Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
