So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
