the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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